The Headologist | The Headologist

For two weeks now, every time I sit to meditate and pray, I’ve found myself saying to Spirit and to my Self, “I just want to drown in the river.”

(That’s not a suicide wish; don’t freak out.)

I’ve always felt the need to know exactly what the next step is so that I can be prepared. I never want to embarrass myself on accident, and my biggest motivating fear is disappointing others, so the instinct to be in control has guided me my whole life. But I can’t live that way anymore. I need more flow, more acceptance, more patience, more openness.

The desire to drown in the river is a wish to be swept away by the current of what the universe is conspiring to do in my favour. To surrender. To stop fighting to make things happen and force change. To move with the flow instead of always paddling upstream.

And then, very suddenly, I sank.

I finally absorbed all the major transformational energy that’s been swirling around me for weeks now, powerful stuff unheeded because I wasn’t ready to accept it. Until I was.

It started with acknowledging the tug to purge my beloved library to less than 100 volumes. As the child of an English teacher and a librarian, this feels like ultimate sacrilege, but I can’t ignore it anymore. The to-keep list only has 74 books on it, which is a shock. But it feels so good.

I was swept away as the flood came, which nearly short-circuited my nervous system. My hands shook as I tried to inventory everything I could see submerged in the river.

Quit my day job.
Get rid of those dresses and T-shirts I never wear.
Prune my music and video collections on the computer.
Organize and curate my writing files.
Scan and shred those old physical files.
Get my own cell phone.
Make plans for Scotland 2013 to celebrate life.

Change The Headologist.

I’ve hinted that life-altering things are in the works, and they are. Things are changing. With me, with my life, with the business. And the instant I have the details, you’ll be the first to know (after my mom).

What I can tell you is that this work is still my deep love. You guys are still my favourite people. And the step I’m poised to take is going to be the biggest and best leap of faith ever. (I feel like Indiana Jones in Last Crusade getting ready to put his foot down on the invisible bridge.)

As it is – in the middle of this transformation – regular service is on pause.

No posts until I can confidently tell you what to expect next. You’ll see a few quiet changes to the site – I’m working on the coaching section, for example. The newsletter will likely drop down to once a month. The Tribequarters will be gone soon, and what you can get for free will be different and much, much narrower.

Contract, expand, contract, expand.

The vibrancy of life in the river is at once terrifying and exciting. As it should be. I’m safe, held, and utterly certain I’m going the right direction even though I’m not entirely sure what direction that is.

I’m in the river, guided by Spirit and my deepest, truest, best Self.

And I feel more free than I ever have.

Whew! I know it’s been three weeks, but it feels like time outside of time, you know? Like it’s been way shorter and way longer at the same time. What a freaking ride!

Guestposts

For the sake of completeness, and in case you missed anything, here are all the incredible guestposts in one place. 21 days of serious cleaning.

Ellie Di: Throw Open the Window and Let the Fresh Air In – Announcing “Inside Outside”!
Fabeku Fatunmise: Inventory Your Stories
J. Maureen Henderson: How to Curb an Appetite for (Self) Destruction
Marthe Hagen: Spend Some Time with Your Glorious Mess
Christine C. Reed: The Idea Morgue: Knowing When to Call Time of Death
Robyn Lindsay: Taking Out the Digital Trash
Catherine Caine: The Tyranny of 200GB of Music: The 15-Year-Old-Birthday-Party Problem
Dianne Sylvan: Compost Happens
Sara Blackthorne: Scratching an Itchy Soul
Alexandra Franzen: How to Ruthlessly Declutter Your Life – Without Being a Total Jerk about It
Angel Sullivan: In Praise of Space
Tina Robbins: Making Containers for Energetic Decluttering
Amelia J. Wells: The Sentimental Road to a Joyful Closet
Shenee Howard: How a Cold Cured My Writer’s Block
Kyeli Smith: Get Rid of Stuff to Make Room for Awesome
Gwyn Michael: Seeking Acceptance in an Empty Pond
Goddess Leonie: When You Let Go of the Old, You Make Space for the Miracles
Rhiannon Llewellyn: Turn Me Inside Out
Mary Richert: Breathe In. Breath Out. Let Go.
Alisha Sommer: Dirty Words: Should, Can’t, Not
Jamie Ridler: Inside-Out, Outside-In: A Dance of Creativity

ALL THE GRATEFULS

I’m deeply honoured to have had so many incredible people say “yes” to this project. Just looking at the roster, much less reading their powerful writing, gives me goosebumps. It’s humbling to know one has so many mind-blowing friends.

Thank you, every single one of you.

And the same goes for you guys out there in the tribe, too. Without you, I’d just be barking in the dark, some crazy cat lady with a computer problem and delusional ideas about talking to herself. You guys make it exciting to get up in the morning, and I’m so happy we’re connecting.

nitty Gritty: The Class

If you’re not into hearing the behind-the-scenes businessy stuff, skip to What’s Next? further down. Here’s a picture of a kitten for your inconvenience.

Now that you’re all good and teary-eyed, I want to do a little inside baseball with you guys. A bit of a download about how it all went on my end.

Offering this class was an experiment for me. I’ve never done anything like it before, and I somehow managed to keep myself from having expectations and instead was hopeful. I decided early on that I’d simply do my best work, put it out there, pimp the hell out of it, love it, and see what happened.

Sadly, the experiment failed.

Well, it failed in that the class didn’t sell.

It succeeded wildly in that I learned so freaking much from everything that happened.

When I first set out to share this wonderful material with the world, I decided that I needed some limits. I would run it with no more than 10 people and no less than five. Sadly, only two people signed up for the course (which is okay! I’m not pissed or anything, so don’t feel like you need to apologize if you didn’t sign up – times are hard – I get it). After much internal tussling and some advice from friends, I closed registration 36 hours early and offered the two students a private deal in lieu of running it short-handed.

Strangely, though, I’m not sad. I’m not angry or hurt – a little disappointed, maybe, but not really.

I did everything right: beautiful guestposts from amazing writers that doubled my traffic and brought new people to the tribe, wrote my best sales page ever, made a video that was hilarious and informative, shared the hell out of the class itself, emailed my favouritest people directly to ask them to register, and was even patient. The guestpost series is a smashing success; the class just didn’t work out.

I have a theory about why, too. I’m pretty sure it’s just because I’m not a big enough player, yet. That what I want to do, the value I’m giving, the talents I have are too grand for my current reality.

That’s not intended to be self-deprecating; it’s a measure of truth. It’s only been 9 months – businesses take longer than babies to make viable, you know? I have all these huge ideas, dreams, and goals, but I don’t have the footholds yet to make them real. You guys know and like me well enough; I just haven’t been around long enough to establish the trust needed to get folks to sign up for stuff.

And that’s okay.

This is another piece of the “Be patient, young Skywalker” puzzle the universe is asking me to solve. It’s a big step in my business and Self education. I’ve learned that I’ve got the goods inside me, I just need to be more willing to put in the time it takes to build foundations to hold me up.

That’s why I’m sharing this behind-the-scenes thing with you; it’s a good lesson for anyone. Pacing yourself, letting it be easy, not pushing so hard, being willing to take your time – in the rushrushrush world of today, it’s hard to remember we can do great things that take longer than a couple of months.

What’s Next?

There is something huge on the horizon. So huge it’s going to completely change the way I do business, interact with you guys, and generally live my life.

Yeah, it’s mega.

But I don’t have all the details ironed out yet, so I can’t spill the beans just now. I’ll know more by tomorrow evening, so look out for another post on that soon.

Until then, I’m going to keep showing up, keep being present, and keep remembering my Self and my journey. The more I can do that, the better the future will be.

Thanks for being on this adventure with me. I couldn’t ask for better companions.